So This Is It...

Baby, I'm Back (Kinda)!

2010-04-19T07:16:00.001-04:00

While I'm working on new posts for my regular site, I've compiled some of the funnier stories from the pregnancy journal I kept. Check me out at http://thesweetestbrownie.blogspot.com/ for updates on all things baby!

Class is in Session

2009-08-19T10:09:00.004-04:00

My cousin and I were discussing his involvement in a youth empowerment camp this summer. In his travels cross country to cater to high profile clients, he sometimes takes the opportunity to give back to the little people – specifically, those under 5 feet tall. His adventures are more than often, hectic, but they’re always good for a story or two so I wanted to hear all about it. He’d asked me

Nondisclosure

2009-06-03T14:06:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, while tuned into the Tom Joyner Morning Show on my way to work, I listened as the opinionated DJs chimed in on their Entertainment Correspondent’s latest tidbit of gossip. Breaking news reported that American Idol songstress and Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson had been thrown a baby shower in her hometown of Chicago. The top secret gathering was an intimate celebration for only family and

Lost in Translation

2009-05-20T08:36:00.003-04:00

If there is one thing that’s been learned thus far in my 28 years of life, it’s that I have a way with words.For good or for bad, I have a knack for saying things just so. The statements may not always be eloquent or even achieve the result that I’d desired, but most times, they’re memorable and more often than not, quite humorous. I try to relate to those around me in a common sense, practical

Perception is Everything

2009-05-04T15:46:00.004-04:00

On a lazy Sunday evening, as news reports on the outbreak of Swine Flu/H1N1 ran rampant, the hubby and I quickly grew antsy and decided to get out of the house to do something productive with ourselves. We’d noticed lone bales of hay blowing in the breeze of our refrigerator whenever we opened the door, so we figured it was time to stock up on more groceries. We went, of all places, to

Right of Way

2009-04-30T14:13:00.003-04:00

When I was 8 years old, my mom brought me along on a quick run to the supermarket. We’d trotted up and down the aisles looking for some mystery spice and a box of noodles that were needed for dinner that night. Bored nearly to tears, I ambled along silently until eventually we headed toward the check-out counter.Before I go on, note that in the eyes of a child there are very few things that

Gimme Got Popped

2009-02-16T09:42:00.004-05:00

Back when I was just a young whippersnapper and the only thing I stressed about was whether Rainbow Brite and Fraggles really did exist, life was much simpler. The only duties my brother and I were taxed with in life were making sure we colored within the lines and that we didn’t bother my daddy when he slept during the day (as he worked third shift at a factory downtown).The fact that we were

Small Screen Seduction

2009-02-09T09:35:00.002-05:00

As yet another Monday greets us I’m just as peeved as you are to see the end of a weekend. Whether you partied the nights away or just spent time relaxing in front of the tube, it’s rare that most people are ever excited to get a business week going. While that statement is usually true for me as well, I must say that if it has to be a weekday, Mondays aren’t looking so bad for me now.Why, you

With This Ring

2009-02-03T09:17:00.004-05:00

I looked in the mirror this morning and winked at myself, offered a little pout and then kissed the air. I fluffed my hair just so and put an extra twist in my (already excessive) sashay. What could cause this overly healthy level of self awareness, you may ask? Well, seems I just found out that mama’s still got it. Oh yeah, in all of my almost-28 years of glory, your girl is still a stunner.Errr

One is the Magic Number - Throwback Thursday

2009-01-29T08:53:00.005-05:00

Occasionally during discussions with my female friends, talk will turn to the amount of bed buddies the girls have had or that oh so special 'Magic Number’. Typically, any girl you talk to over the age of 21 (your girlfriend, your sister, that chick that works downstairs, whoever…) will tell you that she’s had at least one partner insistent upon finding out her magic number. I always find this

The Last Straw

2009-01-21T09:46:00.005-05:00

Recently I engaged in a light-hearted argument with a friend of mine. We were discussing, of all things, the life & times of Will Smith. I should probably preface this by saying that I’m not the most unbiased source when it comes to a conversation about Willy from Philly. I find that man deliciously mind-blowing and if given the opportunity I would, without reservation, drink apple juice from his

No Pain No Gain

2008-12-15T12:43:00.004-05:00

This Saturday I had the awesomely refreshing privilege of seeing 8 weeks of very hard work come to fruition. I recently had the opportunity to work with children at my church as we put on the annual Christmas play. Forty-eight of our most talented 6 to 18 year olds labored together to make this yet another unforgettable performance. As this was the first time I'd served in an authoritative

Philosophical Ponderings & Poultry

2008-12-01T11:34:00.004-05:00

Stuck in the car for 6+ hours this weekend as we ventured from my husband's family home in Kentucky I was disappointingly left to the devices of my own mind. I'd failed to plan ahead and soon realized that the book I'd brought along wouldn't be much help (it got dark a mere 60 minutes into our journey) and we'd already exhausted our newest regular debate of "What should we get the folks for

Tis the Season to Be Bra-lly...

2008-11-18T13:39:00.004-05:00

I've had a love/hate relationship with Reality TV for quite some time. It never fails, while observing the shortcomings of others, I'm either amused to no end or my own faults are somehow mirrored back at me – and I'm left alternately confused or depressed. This was the case last Thursday evening.Flipping through the channels aimlessly after Grey's concluded I stumbled upon a new makeover show. I

Have a Coke & a Smile

2008-11-10T14:41:00.007-05:00

Walking into the Engineering department today, I bumped into one of my co-workers. "How goes it," he asked simply. I yawned, "Ok." With ease, I customarily repeated his question but kept walking. I'd almost turned a corner when I heard his energetic reply of, "Great!"I stopped and turned around, amused by his tone. No need to be rude after all. "Why is it so great today, [co-worker]? Something

Family Matters

2008-11-03T11:40:00.003-05:00

Perhaps the most complex relationships we'll ever take part in, are those between family; that rag tag bunch of people that show up for reunions, graduations and funerals. They can be loud and obnoxious or sometimes charismatic and manipulative but occasionally they're a glimpse of who we are and where we could be. Whether we like it or not.We all know that friends are chosen based on

Growing Pains

2008-10-26T17:44:00.007-04:00

I was met with a frantic phone call late Thursday evening. It seems the Queen Mother and her cohorts had gone out for a midweek martini and the conversation had turned to the woeful tales of their unappreciative children. Talk moved swiftly to the current agony of one of Mother's coworkers. After debating amongst their [middle-aged] selves, they decided to recruit an unbiased consultation, hence

White Folks, Get Your Girl

2008-10-20T10:00:00.003-04:00

If ever I had a Dear Abby moment, I truly think this situation would be it.I should preface this by saying that I didn't want to be the one to offer my husband advice at this time because I'm aware of my shortcomings when it comes to thinking outside the box with my lighter hued brethren. Consequently, I was unable to be his impartial sounding board here. See, when it comes to race relations for

Monday Morning Stew

2008-09-22T15:23:00.004-04:00

A cornucopia of random information from yours truly. Chew carefully and digest heartily! ***I think I've been an unwitting pawn in one of my co-worker's freaky fantasies. There's a guy in my office that always pays me particularly close attention. He's not exceptionally creepy at first glance, but he makes it a point to greet me enthusiastically in the morning and then he comes over every evening

Sticks & Stones

2008-09-10T14:07:00.003-04:00

For some reason, this week, I've been nostalgic about my childhood. Scenes between my brother and I keep replaying themselves in my head and people I haven't thought about in years keep crossing my mind. Strangest thing in the world was waking up this morning and seeing a vision of my 8th grade Science teacher going, "Ms. ____, there is no chewing gum in class!" He made me come up to the front

It's A Girl!

2008-05-21T16:12:00.004-04:00

It feels good to know that when I take these short vacations, my random musings are actually missed by a few of you. I've received all of your kind notes and comments politely suggesting I "get [my] lazy ass up and write a blog" and trust me, your words are music to my ears.So what's been going on in the world of All Things Brittni, you ask? Quite a bit, I must admit. I'm not ashamed to say I'd

Vagina Follies - 4/15/08

2008-04-28T14:15:00.004-04:00

There are few things in life that generate, for women, the amount of displeasure and overall dread as a trip to the gynecologist. Doctors in general have a tendency to make me uneasy, what with their instruments and tests and wordy diagnoses (that all seem to amount to "Brittni you just have a cold."), I'm never exactly ecstatic to make an appointment. Compound that mild anxiety with knowing that

Dead Men Tell No Tales 2 - 3/18/08

2008-04-17T13:42:00.004-04:00

Nothing like a few random acts of God to put things in perspective.After a fitful and only slightly uneasy Post-B&E (breaking & entering) weekend, I’m (almost) back to normal on this overcast Monday morning. Thank you to everyone that sent me reassuring comments, private messages and even a few "offers of retaliatory service" last Friday, lol. You’re an awesome bunch and I appreciate you letting

Dead Men Tell No Tales (It Could Be Worse) - 3/17/08

2008-04-17T13:22:00.005-04:00

Nothing like a few random acts of God to put things in perspective.After a fitful and only slightly uneasy weekend, I’m (almost) back to normal on this overcast Monday morning. Thank you to everyone that sent me reassuring comments, private messages and even a few "offers of retaliatory service" for our bad guys last Friday, lol. You’re an awesome bunch and I appreciate you letting me vent.I must

You Gon Need Security - 2/19/08

2008-04-16T16:46:00.005-04:00

After a boring week spent teetering in the anals of secretary-dom, I was quite pleased to remember that I'd made plans to kick it with the homies last weekend. I was more than ready to hang out and let loose so I was ecstatic that the work week had indeed come to an end. I raced out of my building's parking deck and jumped on the highway, singing off-key (but quite appropriately) to Johnny Kemp.

Eenie, Meenie, Minie.... - 2/11/08

2008-04-16T16:37:00.004-04:00

So, for my latest foray into the land of all things grown-up, I've yet again decided 'what I want to do with my life.' I know what you're thinking - this should be taken with a grain of salt. I am, after all, the same woman that just last month set to the serious task of deciding which would be the more ideal profession for my skill-set: nail tech or warrior princess. (I decided on warrior

And That's What We Call A Celebration 2 - 12/20/07

2008-04-16T11:43:00.002-04:00

This weekend my family had the opportunity to get together for an early holiday celebration wrought with the same festive spirit and gift giving potential as Christmas itself. Though our gala wasn't in honor of Jesus' birth, Lord knows we couldn't have gotten to this point without Him – clap your hands and stomp your feet, folks, my baby brother just graduated from college!I'm sure in most normal

And That's What We Call A Celebration - 12/17/07

2008-04-16T11:31:00.002-04:00

Tantric Tuesday - 10/23/07

2008-04-16T10:58:00.006-04:00

"There…right there, that's it."That's what you'd have found walking into the Brittastic home this morning around 6:45. My husband hunched over me, my limbs flayed at the sides and my mouth open to the ceiling, moaning something only semi-audible.Wait…I shouldn't start there. You'll think the wrong thing. Let me take you back.After getting into a rather heated debate with the Queen Mother a few

So Much Potential, Wonder What Happened - 10/16/07

2008-04-16T10:38:00.004-04:00

So I'm tinkering around on the web…you know, in between all of the high-profile, important work I do here at the office (stop snickering) and I come across a "Life Story Contest". Turns out Smith Magazine is having a contest imploring its viewers to write their memoirs using only 6 words.Sounds simple enough, right? Basically just come up with your own headline. I thought the idea was really cute

What's Yours is Ours - 7/03/07

2008-04-16T10:32:00.007-04:00

Recently, while speaking with a group of girlfriends, we engaged in a conversation about territorial issues in relationships. Before you even ask, of course I let them all know that my man was my man and if those heifers ever had any notions about test driving my property, I would feel no qualms about manufacturing them all a foot up the ass. They failed to see the humor. See, we weren't exactly

Calling My Bluff - 6/20/07

2008-04-16T10:25:00.005-04:00

Sitting at work one day last week while playing Bookworm Adventures, I got a text message from a girlfriend of mine. What's a dealbreaker for you in a relationship?I quickly typed back, What the hell are you talking about, I'm at work!She responded, You're not working though, bitch, you're probably already logged onto Myspace.D'oh.Okay, I gave in, what's the question again?I'm on my way in to

Why I Don't Do Vacations - 6/12/07

2008-04-16T10:05:00.011-04:00

There are three "vacations", from our younger years, chronicled in the annexes of me and my little brother's scrapbooks. The first was at the respective ages of 9 and 6 when we ventured a drive all the way from my small Chicago suburb to Orlando, Florida to meet Mickey Mouse. That trip ended with two speeding tickets for Father Dear and a wash-out on the day we were set to tour the park. There

Diary of a Married Black Woman - Volume 2

2007-06-27T15:36:00.002-04:00

Ah, ah, ahhhh. No peeking. You've gotta read Volume 1 first.Saturday, May 26th – D DayI'm getting married.I wake up around 7 for an early morning hair appointment and my stomach is doing Dominique Dawes-worthy acrobatics. That's odd, my throat is also a little scratchy. As I sit in the salon chair, I fall into an uneasy sneezing fit and around 10 o'clock, I begin to feel a little warm.Driving

Diary of a Married Black Woman - Volume 1

2007-06-12T10:35:00.001-04:00

Ring the alarm peoples, I'm back!For those of you that managed to miss any of the 346 random blogs that indirectly or directly mentioned my impending nuptials, I just got married! Yep, after a long and laborious planning process, I'm a Mrs. Everything was absolutely fantastic and my husband and I (lol, sorry, that still sounds weird) had a ball.Staying true to my nature, I'm here to share a few

Asian Culture & Me

2007-06-12T10:14:00.001-04:00

[Disclaimer: All views represented herein are a slight comical exaggeration of the day's events. I am not a racist or a bigot. And I have a profound appreciation for Asian culture. In fact, I love eggrolls. Wait. I've gone too far now. Never mind, read on at your own will.]In the weeks leading up to our wedding, I've noticed Fiance and I becoming more and more immersed in trivial details dealing

Me & My Buddy

2007-04-10T10:02:00.001-04:00

I can remember being in the 3rd grade and spending every waking moment with Michele Calvey, the girl with the curly hair from down the street. Michele was funny and pretty and knew all the good swear words (which was an accomplishment all in itself to me), but to top it off, she thought I was awesome – obviously, this was more than enough reason to deem her my "best friend for life." Me and

Sometimes I Think That Way

2007-03-04T17:14:00.001-05:00

Sometimes, after I’ve gotten home from work and I’ve been really angry at my boss or….Sometimes after going out with my girlfriends to a club or a bar and not being able to catch the bartender’s eye for a while so I’ve stood there in my 3-inch heels waving my $10 bill for a while looking silly….Or even sometimes when I’ve just been home alone and gotten a chance to watch the latest Ludacris video

The Facts of Life

2006-11-16T16:32:00.001-05:00

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life. There's a time you got to go and show You're growin' now you know about The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life. When the world never seems to be livin up to your dreams And suddenly you're finding out the Facts of Life are all about you, you. It takes a lot to get 'em right When you're

Pointless Ranting

2006-10-19T14:05:00.002-04:00

I went out to dinner with my girlfriends recently. To set the scene, you should know that we were a group 7 well-dressed (my opinion, lol), professional, 20-somethings. Our group, that night, consisted of a financial advisor, a stay-at-home mom/wife, a secretary, an office manager, a 1st year grad school student and a teacher. Needless to say, we weren't exactly a flashy bunch. We'd actually just

Say It Aint So - Vol. 1

2006-10-11T09:00:00.001-04:00

*Yawn*Oh. *Looking around* Hey guys. There you are; seems like I haven't seen you, or written, in forever.Much to my delight, I was recently met with a few notes in my inbox questioning my lack of blogs. Well look no further, I'm back!I should probably start by telling you why I'd gone missing this past week. Ordinarily, I like to keep bad news to myself – so as not to depress the masses – but I

Say It Aint So - Vol. 2

2006-10-10T15:30:00.001-04:00

We made it through the night with him feeding me clam chowder (we were out of chicken noodle) and crackers. The next morning, he tried to talk me out of going to work, but I’d had no more episodes and I wanted to be sure not to waste vacation days since I knew I’d be heading home the following week to look at wedding venues.He begged me to call him if anything else happened and I assured him I

Pimpin' Philosophy 101

2006-09-25T11:53:00.001-04:00

At a much-needed girls night out last weekend, my friends and I sat around a table at a crowded bar people-watching and gossiping. For those that don’t know, on a Friday night in Atlanta (the home of New Age pimpin’) pick any ‘singles’ scene in the city and you’re liable to run into any number of odd occurrences.Over martinis and hot wings, we made sure we missed none. Scanning the bar, we made

Lessons in Love

2006-09-11T19:53:00.001-04:00

Wow, is it Tuesday already?The weekend flew by. With all the commotion and excitement, I missed out on informing my Blogger family of some rather interesting news…I’m engaged!(Yeah, that's my hand - knuckle's ashy, I know)I know, I know – there’s actually someone in this big, wide world willing to spend the rest of his life with me. Crazy, right? That’s okay, I’ve just gotta make sure I jump the

...and so I'll probably be fat.

2006-08-28T12:07:00.001-04:00

As I type this, I’m alternating between sitting rigidly at the computer and lounging on the couch icing an injury to (what I think is) my hamstring. Every time I walk from the desk into my living room, my legs tighten up and invisible pins and needles shoot into my thigh causing excruciating pain. I’m pretty sure I’m near death.Who, you may ask, would be to blame for such a catastrophe? The

The Night Kittens Flew

2006-08-21T10:01:00.001-04:00

I suppose Saturday night started off as ordinary as any other; Boyfriend and I lounging on the couch with no idea of what to do. “We could open another bottle of wine,” he suggested. I looked at the empty bottle of off-brand Pinot that sat before us already. “Ah, what the hell, I guess we could,” I replied. He walked into the kitchen and leaned into the refrigerator casually, “Shit.” He turned

Don't Kill the Messenger

2006-08-07T09:46:00.001-04:00

I’m what I like to call a ‘couple-minded’ person. That just means, I don’t have a problem looking out for the greater good of the duo as opposed to concentrating on only my needs being satisfied. My married friends think that’s a good trait to have if I plan making a long term commitment anytime soon. They tell me that marriage is hard enough without having to deal with competing egos.When you’re

Another Brittastic Start to the Weekend...

2006-07-31T11:33:00.001-04:00

I am not a morning person.I think that when people say that, you assume that the person making the statement just means that they don’t like to wake up really early. Nope, that’s not me, I don’t like to be awake – period. And usually, I’m forced to go out of my way to make sure you have just as crappy a morning as me. Is it fair? Nah…but hey, it is me.This weekend, I’d planned for a relaxing few

Yours, Mine & Ours

2006-07-24T20:58:00.001-04:00

Oh to be young and in love…The grass is greener, the sun a little brighter, the birds even chirp a little merrier; yes, it truly is great to be in love. When everything is new, and the relationship is still as fairy tale as a Disney movie, life is grand.As we approach that oh-so-pivotal 6-month mark of our cohabitation venture, Boyfriend and I have begun to reflect on all of life’s lessons that

Two for One!

2006-07-17T22:36:00.001-04:00

I Dream of Brittni“Be for real.”I dipped my waffle fry in more ketchup, “I am.”Sunshine sat next to me shaking her head, “You are so vain.” Giggles and Mother Teresa concurred as we all pored over greasy bags from Chick-Fil-A in my cluttered living room.The topic of choice for last Friday evening that had the gals all up in arms was introduced by Mother Teresa when she walked into my apartment

Me and the Lesbians

2006-07-10T12:22:00.001-04:00

So…in addition to realizing what a pathetic racist I am, I now have to come to grips with the stark stereotypes I held against The Gays.Who are The Gays you might ask…well The Gays are the ones you see on television during the Pride Parades and on Fox sitcoms. They’re the men who (for some reason) regularly wear long, pink feather boas and piles of bubblegum colored lip gloss. They’re the women

Twinkies Ruined My Life

2006-06-27T10:31:00.001-04:00

*Warning – Random string of thoughts blog*When I was in the 1st grade I met a girl named Maya McCauley. Maya had two long sandy brown pigtails that hung down her back and everyday her mother would attach different color bows to the end of the braids. I liked to play with Maya’s pigtails (I secretly longed for long hair and hoped that one day my hair would magically grow 8 inches merely because of

My Weekend Was More Like...[Friday Edition]

2006-06-19T15:44:00.000-04:00

So, once again, this morning found me dragging myself into work after a particularly memorable weekend.I have a knack for encountering any number of odd happenings in a relatively short period of time whenever I happen to force myself out of the house. By odd happenings, I mean those little things that can either leave you standing there stunned with your mouth wide open or alternately doubled

My Weekend Was More Like... [Saturday Edition]

2006-06-19T15:26:00.000-04:00

My Weekend Was More Like... [Sunday Edition]

2006-06-19T14:50:00.000-04:00

Now I Know...

2006-06-12T09:55:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend, I sat conversing with an old friend over a shared plate of fried onion peels and spicy barbecue wings. As she (yet again) dished about the woes of the single life, I unapologetically offered some blunt advice. What did I expect in return? A thank you? No. All affirming praise? Nah, not even that. I just like helping those in need.Much to my surprise though, my comments were met

This Hurts Me More...

2006-06-05T17:58:00.000-04:00

Mondays really kick my butt.There’s something about rolling out of bed after a weekend of extreme kicking it (or even extreme relaxation), that causes my brain to turn to mush for at least 16 hours. Such was the case today. I knew all weekend that I wanted to write a blog for Monday, but due to a rather busy weekend (Congrats to my girl, Mother Teresa, on tying that knot!), I procrastinated. Last

Better Late Than Never

2006-05-31T10:56:00.000-04:00

*sigh*Man, oh man…who had a better Memorial Day weekend than me?Um…nobody!This weekend was quite possibly the most pleasant 3 days of non stop chillin’ and fellowshipping with friends that I have had in quite a while. For those of you that know how easily irritated I am, you should know that I really really needed the relaxation and laughter the last few days offered.It was so needed, in fact,

The Wedding Crasher

2006-05-22T10:43:00.000-04:00

Ahhh, springtime. Warm weather. Flowers blooming. Birds chirping. Children playing in the park. What a terrific season. How could you not love Spring?Know what else springtime brings?Weddings - that joyous occasion highlighting a public pronouncement of love before God and man. I love weddings, I really do. Maybe it’s because I’m getting to the point where I feel as if my ceremony could be right

Think About It

2006-05-16T14:31:00.000-04:00

So...I have a lot of fun here on Blogger, shooting the breeze with you all, but I also like to share interesting thoughts. As last week found me reading (detailed) descriptions of the idiotic comments of NY's DJ Star and the behavior that resulted in his termination (from Dan the Man and Blogfather - skim before continuing), I figured you all might also like to read one of my favorite writer's

How Do You Like It

2006-05-15T08:43:00.000-04:00

{I should preface this blog by saying that I got the idea from a wonderfully written piece by a buddy of mine, Pimp Hand Strong. Since he dealt with some of the underlying issues behind the topic, I figured I'd alternately take it at face-value and get your thoughts on the superficiality of it all. So, yeah, if you've heard this one…don't stop me!}We like dem boys that be in them 'lacs leanin'

Am I My Brother's Keeper

2006-05-08T08:30:00.000-04:00

Family's gotta look out for family. That was always the motto with my relatives. On my mother's side (the family I'm most familiar with), we're a pretty close bunch. Not a large clan to begin with, when some of my slightly older relatives began to relocate out to the west coast, those that remained bonded together in the sake of family. I like that about us. You always know that there's someone

There's Hope

2006-05-05T09:58:00.000-04:00

I had the opportunity to attend a private concert with India Arie last night.(For those don't know, I'm one of those "neo-soul" people. I love the style, the artists and what the music represents - I think I was a hippie revolutionary in a former life.)So anyway, I jumped at the chance to see India perform.What I experienced was so powerful I had to come in and blog this morning. I felt so...

Over the River And Through The Woods

2006-05-01T09:34:00.000-04:00

*Groan*Silly me. I thought I could zoom home for a tranquil, uneventful trip with the family and make it back a mere 3 days later in tact. When will I ever learn?For those of you that I haven’t already bored to death with tales of my latest accomplishment…I am now the owner of my very first car (a car purchased with my own money, that is)! I know, I know – hold your applause – I’m proud of me too

The Coughing, Sniffling, Sneezing, Aching, So You Can Rest Blog

2006-04-24T08:51:00.000-04:00

Being a grown-up sucks.Being a grown-up and being sick, sucks even more. Achoo! No, seriously it does. You know how when you were little and you’d get, sick your mom would let you stay home from school…you’d get to wear your My Little Pony pajamas all day and watch Reading Rainbow while one of your folks brought you soup and endless amounts of toilet paper (Did y’all get Kleenex at your house? It

New Schedule

2006-04-19T10:09:00.000-04:00

New So This Is It blogs every Monday!Helping to take the edge off ... Check my MySpace page for ways to email blog ideas, comments or any good old fashioned hate mail!I'm dying to hear from you...

Fishing In The Wrong Pond

2006-04-17T08:34:00.000-04:00

"Do you catch it?"I held my stomach and tried not to fall out of my chair, laughing like an idiot. "You're lying," I managed to spit between gasps of air.Kellogg shook her head somberly, "He asked 'Do you catch it?'."Vitamin D grabbed an apple slice from the fruit tray that sat in the middle of the dining room table, "I don't get it." She munched thoughtfully, "What is catching it?"Frustrated,

Porn: The Final Frontier

2006-04-14T08:18:00.000-04:00

Jenna Jameson. Ron Jeremy. Heather Hunter. Dirk Diggler. If you’re familiar with the names I just listed, then this blog’s for you! Morning, folks --- let’s get right down to business, shall we?As a person who gets email offers daily from the likes of BigCockSex (this is a real screen name) with a subject line of “Sluts Who Like ‘Em Big & Meaty” (meaty? lol!), I think I’m qualified to speak on

One Is The Magic Number

2006-04-12T08:12:00.000-04:00

I’d actually intended on writing about this a long time ago. Somehow, I thought the topic would kinda just pop up in conversation and I could blog it from there. Never, in a million years, did I think my own mother would be the one to bring it up though (in last Monday’s comment section). How weird is that? But, since she went ahead and brought it up…Occasionally during discussions with my girls

Check Yo'self

2006-04-10T08:26:00.000-04:00

Monday. Man, that weekend went by quicker than I thought it would.A crazy thunderstorm that blew in on Friday night left me powerless and bored on the homefront Saturday morning forcing me over to Sunshine's for a warm shower and some electricity for my curling irons. Boyfriend and I watched the Mayweather/Judah fight later that night (how come nobody told me boxing was so much fun? I would have

Show Me Yours & I'll Show You Mine

2006-04-07T08:22:00.000-04:00

I was watching The Bernie Mac Show last night (good ole re-runs on UPN) in an episode dealing with Vanessa, Bernie’s niece, and her first boyfriend. Bernie finds out that the boy (only 17 or 18) has a child and suddenly worries that Vanessa will begin having sex. It just so happened that my girl Sunshine had popped in for a quick visit and as we sat on the couch watching, we laughed ridiculously

A Stupid Thing Happened: Vol. 3

2006-04-05T08:15:00.000-04:00

I Shot The SheriffSomebody hide me. Get some bail money together. Call my mama. Issue me a new identity…do something! I’m on the run, guys. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to type. As it is, I’m hiding under the desk in the only empty cubicle in my entire department. I don’t hear any sirens or anything, but the FED’s might be planning a surprise attack. Anything is possible. If this is

(Un)conditionally Yours

2006-04-03T08:23:00.000-04:00

I must admit, I've been the victim of a debilitating writer's block the past few days. I've watched tons of television, observed passing couples in the park and even perused my bookcase waiting for a blog idea to jump out at me. But it was to no avail, I was still 'on empty.'I know that you guys are on the edge of your seats every Monday, Wednesday and Friday waiting for me to crank out new,

Groupie Love

2006-03-31T08:23:00.000-05:00

Okay, okay…I know that we’ve already been over this groupie thing but I just couldn’t resist.This week I had the honor (?) of attending the after party for the red carpet premiere of the movie ATL, starring Clifford ‘T.I.’ Harris. Clifford (his mama named him Clifford, I’m gon’ call the boy Clifford – shout out to Coming To America) had an enormous fan base turn out for the movie’s first public

But You Say She's Just a Friend

2006-03-29T08:50:00.000-05:00

I got a call from a homeboy of mine the other day. He had tickets to a concert. Nothing big, there’s just this band coming to town and he remembered me mentioning that I’d be interested in seeing them. He managed to finagle two free tickets out of an acquaintance and so he asked if I’d like to go with him. I thought that was pretty cool of him. I mean, free tickets, good seats AND a band that I

Who's Got Next?

2006-03-27T08:10:00.000-05:00

Good morning blog family. Everybody have a good weekend? Yeah? Well, that’s good.Mine was okay. I actually went to my very first grown up slumber party on Friday! That’s right, five grown-assed 25 year-old women in footed pajamas playing Cranium and watching The Best Man over and over again. I had a ball! The “gala” was in honor of Giggles birthday last week. She claimed that she wanted to keep

It's Just Comedy

2006-03-24T07:27:00.000-05:00

Well, I’m out of the office, so I decided not to post. Unfortunately, while walking past the computer this morning, I felt a sudden surge of withdrawal and, as I’ve not been inspired with any topic wholly blogworthy, I decided, instead, to leave you with a joke. What? I know it’s corny. But I had to leave something!So anyway, here goes, humor me if you’ve heard this before. The Queen Mother

The Throwback

2006-03-22T08:24:00.000-05:00

I was just thinking about you,Wonderin’ what you doingI mean what you've been up toI know its wrong feeling this strong,Let me take a second minute, I’ll think this thing throughRemember all the moments for two,How we used to…Oooh yeahBut the reality is honestly...You were never good for me and I was never good for you.I just remember what we used to do....-Jill Scott, Cross My MindAhhh, love.

Them Bamas

2006-03-20T08:14:00.000-05:00

Mornin’ folks. Boy, it’s good to be back in the big city. You never realize how much you miss the smog, hustle and bustle and overall new wave bourgeois essence of Atlanta until you’re forced to do without it. I suppose you’re wondering where this newfound optimism arose from. Well, guess no longer. Sit back, relax and let me tell you a little about a place I like to call…Killanigga, Alabama.Over

The Girl In The Back Pew

2006-03-17T08:16:00.000-05:00

Ahh, the sun’s out, the temperature’s mild, my car is nice and shiny. This is going to be a great weekend.A great weekend -- for a funeral.Sorry, was that too morbid for you? It’s true though; the first thing tomorrow morning, I’m heading down to Killanigga, Alabama with Boyfriend for a funeral for his Great Aunt. I thought it was sweet that he asked me to go. It’s not like he needed a support

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

2006-03-15T08:47:00.000-05:00

Have you ever gotten the, “You can’t talk, you got a man!” comeback from a single friend? It’s one of those piercing remarks that shuts you down as quick as “You ain’t my real daddy!” and “I never told you I was on the Pill!” would in other situations. Spoken hastily and without malicious intent, the comment was meant as a joke. It caught me off guard though, here I was in the middle of a funny

The Sandman Cometh

2006-03-13T08:27:00.000-05:00

Good morning, folks. I’d like to start this morning off by…um, with a little joke I heard once. It starts with…uh, I mean…I have it in my head, gimme a second. I think there was a duck and a rabbi. Wait…no, um, a duck and a priest…I, uh…I…Zzzzzzz.Oh hell. I’m sorry, guys. You’ve really got to excuse me. I’m a little frazzled today because I’m tired. I haven’t been sleeping that well lately. It’s

I Almost Peed My Pants

2006-03-10T08:21:00.000-05:00

I’m walking through the mall with Boyfriend last night and this little dude walks past us. I hadn’t really paid attention to him when he first passed but after he’d gotten a little ways away, three little girls, also near us, started screaming and broke into a sprint following him. Disturbed, but frankly intrigued, I convinced Boyfriend to change course and we walked in the opposite direction,

The Starkeisha Chronicles - Part Deux

2006-03-08T08:11:00.000-05:00

Here we go again.You all remember my friend, Starkeisha, right? Nice girl, means well most of the time, but she’s definitely the most colorful one of the bunch (if you catch her at a bad time). Well, we had another of her “episodes” over the weekend and, after getting permission from Sunshine, I decided to share it with you all.(I found myself going into more and more detail about the situation

Liar Liar

2006-03-06T10:26:00.000-05:00

I am a classically trained pianist. I read to the blind on weekends and also feed the homeless. Today I’m wearing a red shirt and my current weight is 130 lbs (stop laughing).Knowing those little tidbits about me, how do you feel? Any major life changes? Okay, what if I say all of those things were lies. Oh, the shock! Are you suddenly spiraling into a pit of self doubt? No? I didn’t think so.

A Stupid Thing Happened - Volume 2

2006-03-03T08:14:00.000-05:00

I think I’m a magnet for ridiculous happenings; the weirdest, most random occurrences seem to gravitate towards me. No big tragedies or anything, just incredibly stupid situations and usually most of them in my car. So anyway…I’m riding down I-285 on my way home from the salon de Beauty (gots ta get my hair did!) when I get a phone call from Giggles. Apparently, the girls are meeting up for a

The Great Divide

2006-03-01T08:14:00.000-05:00

(Disclaimer: This blog is about the fellas we’ve happened to encounter so far in the ‘A,’ not every black man in America, I’m only dealing with what I’ve been shown by your trifling brethren.)When we were younger, my brother and I fought about everything. Only 3 years my junior, Young B, felt that he was often cast in my shadow and always had to work two times harder to receive half of the

A Change Is Gon' Come

2006-02-27T00:07:00.000-05:00

Man, oh man; are friends great or what? I mean they really, really are. Just when you think they’re a bunch of old spinster hags that are good for nothin’ more than sharing a piece of cheesecake with and bumming a ride to the mall (sorry ladies)…they’ll up and flip the script!Oh, you guys are probably wondering where the hell I’m going with this, right? Well, guess what? After being a bit down

Best Month Ever!

2006-02-24T10:45:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of all things pop culture (and a direct spin-off of something we saw on Vh1) the SPEAK Family would like to bring you the first ever 2006 Best Month Ever blog (better late than never)! Check us out as we report on all the newsworthy (and just downright ridiculous) happenings of the past month…http://jorgemateo.blogspot.com

All Hail the Queen

2006-02-22T08:05:00.000-05:00

Okay guys, I’m pulling my hair out here. There’s so much that needs to be done in the next few days. I’ll need to change the sheets, vacuum the living room, wash another load of clothes…oh sorry, I’m a little distracted; only two more days until the arrival of the Queen Mother. That’s right, Mommy Brittastic is comin’ to town, break out the Patron, slide on your hot pants, let’s get the party

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

2006-02-20T08:30:00.000-05:00

I’m having a fat day. No, really I am.I go to put on a pair of my favorite slacks this morning, and do you know those traitorous bastards wouldn’t even slide up over my hips?! For shame!With only 7 days left before the monumental occasion that is my 25th birthday, I’m beginning to get a little critical of things. You know how it can be – job’s not

Friday Quickie:

2006-02-17T08:22:00.000-05:00

Thank you to all of the commentors on Wednesday’s blog. Everyone’s thoughts were appreciated! I know the comment section can get a little chaotic sometimes but your feedback was really interesting and I enjoyed reading your thoughts. Thanks again.Marcia, Greg, Jan, Peter, Cindy & DaQuan?So here I am, stuck as to what I was going to post for Friday’s Quickie blog, when I get a phone call from a

Praise the Lord & Pass the...Pillow?

2006-02-14T14:48:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday morning found me “Amen”-ing and “Hallelujah”-ing with the rest of the worshippers at the church I recently joined. I must say, Pastor was truly on a roll last weekend. I have a hard time waking up before 11 if I don't have to go to work(who doesn’t) but I’m trying to train myself to be more serious about attending services. Even though I’m a grouch when I get out of bed, I always feel

That Loving Feeling

2006-02-13T09:07:00.000-05:00

Wait. Do you feel that? Don’t ask me what. That!Ah, you’re hopeless.Love is in the air! That’s right folks, with just a mere 24 hours before the big V-D (some of you were thinking the annual celebration of Venereal Diseases, I want you guys to go pray on that one), I’m feeling just a bit mushy and romantic. I’m talkin’ about, if I were a cartoon, right about now a bunny would be at my foot and a

Ladies Night UPDATE!

2006-02-12T19:30:00.000-05:00

For those interested...me and my girls did go out on Friday. And as if the Blog gods were looking down upon me, as soon as we neared the bar a man approached me and told me how attractive we were and offered us all a drink. When we received our drinks he promptly bid us a good night and went on about his business. No following us around all night, no "you're all my bitches now, get on the corner!

Ladies Night

2006-02-09T16:52:00.000-05:00

I’m goin’ out to kick it tonight, y'all! Yeah, buddy. I’m talkin’ tight jeans, cleavage shirt and hell, maybe even a pair of heels type kick it. (Can you tell it’s been a while?) We’re trying to really do it proper-like (shout out to 1989) for my girl’s birthday next week. Since we can’t very well kick on Tuesday (Boyfriend might be a little upset if I spend Valentine’s Day with Sunshine and not

Who Dat Is? Dat's Just My Baby Mama!

2006-02-08T10:38:00.000-05:00

(So that you know, I think that song is the epitome of ghetto fabulous lyricism but, hey, it went with today’s topic.)Surprisingly enough, I am sought out for advice on important matters by quite a few close friends. Weird, huh? Lol, yeah, that’s what I think too. Why would you ask someone with such a cynical outlook on life about how to better your situation? I’m liable to tell you to just f*ck

Sports, Sex & Food

2006-02-06T10:03:00.000-05:00

If you want another date, I'll show yaGather round girls, listen closerKnow about football, basketball tooKnow all the players, know all the rules, If you gotta know the way, I'll show youPay attention you need to know how toHook up a meal, Learn a new moveThe way to his heart is sports, sex and foodYou need to know about it-Tweet, It’s Me AgainComing off of the big, “baby, not today, I really

A Stupid Thing Happened - Vol. 1

2006-02-03T11:54:00.000-05:00

A stupid thing happened on the way home from work last night: Driving down the State Road that takes me straight to my apartment from the office, I noticed a black & white in the lane next to me three cars back. I have a certain police sense that activates itself when I'm within 100ft of a cop.So anyway, my left pinky toe starts to itch, so I know that a cop is somewhere nearby. Sure enough, a

Shut Up, Starkeisha, Damn!

2006-02-02T12:45:00.000-05:00

Think about the group of friends that you hang out with the most. Got ‘em in mind? Okay, usually if there are more than two of you, there are certain roles the friends fall into. There’s the passive peacemaker, the comic relief, the authority (mother/father of the group) and a loudmouth (usually the most ghetto one of the crew). Even if you don’t have 4 friends that match those characteristics